Russell's space

P…A…D

In preparing an after dinner presentation last week on “Whine Bark and Growl” to be given at the Army War College, I was reminded of a tool that Debby and I have found to be very useful in helping us not to whine and growl.  A tool that we use often, a tool that saves us lots of wasted time, and a tool that keeps us from engaging is unhealthy conversations. --- The tool is TLAs (Three Letter Acronyms). 

Let me explain by using an example.  I sometimes (still much too frequently) start to go on and on about a family member, friend or acquaintance – how they are so picky about the foods they eat, how they are unusual about the way they spend their money, the lack of discipline they have in their life, the movies they watch or music they listen to.  Even the clothes they wear, the places they go for vacation, the ways they choose to worship, or the way they raise their children.  When I do this, Debby will often stop me in mid sentence and say “P…A…D”. 

Those three letters convey an immediate and powerful message to me.  People Are Different.  I am wasting my time and Debby’s too by going on and on about how they are different --- people are just different – and that is ok.  I (usually) stop where I am and we move on to another subject in our conversation.  No need to continue this fruitless (probably even harmful) dialog. 

Got it?  It’s pretty simple.  But it has saved us many, many minutes and hours of unfruitful and unhealthy conversation over the past years. 

A couple of other TLAs that we have found useful:

Ø  N…A…M – (It’s) Not About Me.  Life is not about me.  It’s about others – loving them, serving them  Esteeming others greater than myself.

Ø  T…T…B – Think The Best.  Give others the benefit of the doubt.  Don’t be ready to believe the worst about them.  Don’t receive a bad report about them without challenging it.  Have a bias for thinking the best. 

Try P…A…D,   N…A…M, and  T…T…B with your family, friends and co-workers.  You will be glad you learned this simple, yet effective technique for guiding conversations.

Let me hear about TLAs that are helpful in your life.

January Gems (from an opportunity I had to sit under the teaching of Zane Scott for a day last week)

·             When you kill an idea, you kill it’s children.  (Like chopping a branch off a tree.)

·             In hostage negotiations – when you get the captor to call you by your first name, you are half way there.  The relationship has begun.

·             Begin with creative thinking (divergent, lots of possibilities) and move to critical thinking (convergent and practical).

·             Practice “interest based” problem solving.  When safety is threatened, step away from the dialog and articulate the higher level purpose where there is agreement.  Then go back to generating ideas. 

A Reminder & A Report

·        Valentine’s Day is just around the corner.  Be making your plans. Be serious about this very important day.   Tip: search for “romantic ideas” on the web.  Or send me a note for a copy of last year’s Valentine Day suggestions.  Let me hear about some of your “ringer” ideas. 

·        My report on my 2006 Valentine gift – a promise to take my wife/sweetheart Debby to a restaurant starting with each letter of the alphabet during the coming year.  (26 restaurants in 52 weeks)   We still have N, X, Y, and Z to go.  Some of our favorites have been: Starving Artist (Abingdon, VA), Storie Street Grill (Blowing Rock, NC), Tomato Head (Knoxville, TN), Stardust Café (Lewisburg, WV), Applewood (Gatlinburg, TN), Dogwood Lane (Jonesboro, TN), K.P. Duty (Bristol, TN), Madagascar Coffee Company (Kingsport, TN), Ridgewood BBQ (Bluff City, TN), and OUR restaurant – Panera Bread (Johnson City, TN)

Russell Justice

January 2007

HAPPY DAFFODIL DAY

Have you ever “invented” a holiday?  The Justice Family of Kingsport has – Daffodil Day.  Daffodil Day arrived this year on Sunday, February 25^th.  Daffodil Day is celebrated when the first daffodil, with its bright yellow head, is spotted by a member of the family.   It is a “rites of spring” ritual of sorts that points to the days soon to come when God’s abundant gift of color – blossoms, blooms, and buds - will fill the landscape, days will be warmer and longer, the dogwood trees will bloom, and new Easter dresses will be bought. 

There has been some debate – and maybe even some going back and forth – through the years if the daffodil has to be spotted “on our property” or if can be anywhere around town.  Debby spotted the first daffodil this year as we drove up our driveway on the way home from church – and became the “winner”.   For you see, Daffodil day is celebrated by going out to eat as a family – with the person who spotted the first daffodil having the honor of choosing the place to go. 

The celebration of Daffodil Day has continued with our children – Matthew and Lauren – as they celebrate their own Daffodil Day in Charlotte and Knoxville.   Daffodil Day for Matthew & Suzy was February 11^th in Charlotte this year with the Justice Twins (age 2) beginning to learn about the tradition.  I suspect by next year they will be old enough to “be on the lookout”.   Lauren, in Knoxville where Daffodil Day occurred February 23^rd, is teaching boyfriend Kyle about Daffodil Day – when it occurs and how to “win”. 

If your Daffodil Day has already passed, make a note to watch and plan for it next year. (Or go pick a daffodil; put it in a vase; and plan a belated Daffodil Day celebration.)   If you haven’t missed Daffodil Day where you are – start watching.  You will enjoy the fun of anticipating.  Be subtle about it and don’t let other family members know where you have spotted daffodils almost ready to pop open. 

Family traditions are special, important markers in our lives where we have fun, create memories and celebrate things that we enjoy.   Create traditions of your own, consider Daffodil Day as a tradition to adopt, and let me hear about your celebration.

FEBRUARY GEMS

·         Put yourself in someone else's place instead of putting them in their place.  John Maxwell

·         Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.  Henry Ford

·         Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.  BF Skinner

·         Diversity without unity makes about as much sense as dishing up flour, sugar, eggs, shortening, and baking powder on a plate and calling it a cake.  C. William Pollard, author of The Soul of the Firm

Russell Justice

February 2007

WHAT IS ON THE MIND & HEART OF A 95 YEAR OLD MIGHTY MAN?

Last month Debby and I had the privilege of spending our Valentines week at Lake Junaluska in the mountains of western North Carolina.  Our friends Vic and Jackie Dingus graciously let us experience their beautiful home there for a week.  

One of THE highlights of the week was an afternoon visit with Bishop Mach Stokes.   Bishop Stokes is the next door neighbor to Vic and Jackie.  At 95 years old, he is the second oldest bishop in the United Methodist Church.  Vic had talked about Bishop Stokes many times and I was hoping for an opportunity to meet him.  One afternoon as I was getting ready to ride my bicycle, I saw Bishop Stokes in his back yard (loading a typewriter into his car to take it to be repaired).   I put the bicycle aside and quickly headed to catch him.  He told me that Vic had mentioned that I would be next door and that he was glad to meet me, but he had to get his typewriter in for repair.   In a polite way, but with the authority of a man with great presence, he told me that I should report back to his home at four o’clock in the afternoon and we could visit for a while. 

As I thought about spending time with Bishop Stokes, even while I was there, and even more so after I left – I was interested, curious, even intrigued by the thought of what might be on the mind and heart of a 95 year old man – a patriarch of the church, a Mighty Man of the faith, a man respected and admired.  After inviting me in, Bishop Stokes pointed me to one of two chairs in the living room.  It seemed pretty clear to me that this chair was for the “guest” and I wondered who else might have sat in this chair before me.

Bishop Stokes began talking about work he was doing to develop some materials on character.  He talked about how difficult it is to get young (in their 40’s and 50’s) leaders (both in the church and in business) to appreciate the necessity and importance of character for leadership.    He posed the question of how you might better communicate this message to leaders and pastors.  He emphasized that it was impossible to separate character from leadership.  He pondered how easy it is to drift into “politically correct” character.  He explained that when he talked about character, he meant Biblical character.  He wondered out loud if anyone could ever really lead effectively without Christ in his life.  He talked about George Washington’s “Rules of Civility & Decent Behaviour In Company & Conversation”.  (I purchased a copy and I’m studying it.)   Bishop Stokes said that his definition of leadership included “knowing where you want to go and going there as much as possible with perseverance, determination, and God’s assistance.”    He strongly challenged me and Vic to press on with our work/ministry with leaders.

Bishop Stokes talked briefly about doing work that has “glory” in it.  He said that for anything (work or ministry or recreation for that matter) to have real value and be fulfilling it must have “glory in it”- it must in some way bring glory to God and have more than temporal impact.  He used as an example doing “courageous research” at Emory University. 

Another topic clearly on the forefront of Bishop Stokes mind was the “new birth” and how it is achieved by grace alone.  He spoke with great fervor about the life, writings, sermons, and work of Charles Wesley and his emphasis on grace as the only means to a relationship with God, to salvation, and to eternal life.  He talked about the ongoing and forever attempts to create a religion of works so you can work/earn your way to God.  (Religion says “do, do, do”.  Christianity says “done”.)  

Last of all, Bishop Stokes talked about the very pleasant surprise that he and his wife Rose had experienced by making new, close friends at this season in life.   He talked about their “new” next door neighbors (Vic and Jackie) and how loving and helpful they were to them.  He said that Vic and Jackie were an “unexpected gift”, a blessing, to them.   I was touched and challenged by the tribute Bishop Stokes was paying to the love, concern and caring that Vic and Jackie are clearly demonstrating.

My afternoon time with Bishop Stokes was a God-given opportunity to enjoy the company of a great man.  The experience left me with “take aways” to continue to think about for some time.    I hope these thoughts leave you with some things to ponder as well.

-          What are my definitions of leadership and character?  (see Character Training Institute)

-          How much of God’s grace am I missing because I am trying to “work” my way to Him?

-          What is my definition of a young man?

-          Who have I invited to sit in “my conversation chair”?  Am I pouring my life into younger men?

-          What type neighbor am I?  To whom am I being an “unexpected gift”?  Am I a blessing to someone?

-          Never stop studying, learning, and developing.  Write more.  (Bishop Stokes challenged me to write more and to keep helping leaders develop.)

-          What “surprises” might God have for me in the years ahead?  Things Debby and I never even dreamed of.  Be open to new friendships.

-          What will be on my heart and mind in later seasons of my life?

-          I pray for many years of companionship with Debby and that I will finish strong.

Notes:

1.      This is a summary of my memories from our conversation.  I realize that I was listening through my filters, but I hope that I did a good job representing the thoughts of Bishop Stokes.

2.      If you want to hear more about the butter creams  at Whitman’s Bakery, bicycle rides around a  frozen lake, morning devotions from a breakfast room with a view, the quietness that fell during the night as snow covered the Sunday morning ground, breakfast at Joey’s, and Debby sewing dresses for the Twins – just get in touch.

3.      I’m currently reading The Epic of Revelation by Bishop Stokes. He recommended it to me.

GEMS

·         Put yourself in someone else's place instead of putting them in their place.  (John Maxwell)

·         Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs.  (Henry Ford)

·         When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal; you do not change your decision to get there.  (Zig Ziglar)

Russell Justice

March 2007

The Servant Leader – Transforming Your Heart, Head, Hands & Habits

This month I am sharing with you the “gems” from a book I just finished reading and one that I recommend to you.  Co-authored by Ken Blanchard of The One Minute Manager fame, The Servant Leader – Transforming Your Heart, Head, Hands & Habits is a quick read, a reminder of some things we need to keep in mind, and provides insight to some issues at the heart of leadership.   Enjoy!

GEMS

By: Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges

·         Consider people’s development as an equal end goal as their performance. 

·         The journey of servant leadership starts in the Heart with motivation and intent, moves through the Head which is the leader’s belief system and perspective, then turns outward to the Hands – the behaviors of the leader in interaction with the team, and ends with recalibration of commitment to purpose, vision, and values through daily disciplines.  

·         With false pride we promote ourselves by being boastful, taking too much credit, showing off, doing all the talking, and demanding attention.

·         When we are fearful, we are protective of ourselves at work and at home.  Fearful leaders may hide behind their position, withhold information, intimidate others, become control freaks, and discourage honest feedback.

·         Hold lightly the things of this world: buy things for their usefulness rather than their status, develop the habit of giving things away.

·         Leadership is to be first and foremost an act of service.

·         Four Leader Styles (all appropriate depending on the person’s development level & the task):

-   Directing --- provide specific directions about roles and goals and closely track performance in order to provide frequent feedback on results.  (High direction, low support – leader decides)

-   Coaching --- explain why, solicit suggestions, praise progress that is approximately right, but continue to direct tasks accomplishments.  (high direction, high support – “Let’s talk and we decide”)

-   Supporting --- facilitate interactions with others, listen to people, draw them out, encourage and support them, but provide little direction.   (high support, low direction – “Let’s talk, you decide”)

-   Delegating --- empower people to act independently with appropriate resources to get the job done.  (low support, low direction – “You decide”)

·         Five Essential Daily Discipline Habits: Solitude, Prayer, Preparation for the challenges yet to come, Proceeding with confidence grounded in trust, and involvement in Accountability relationships. 

·         I have discovered that all the unhappiness of men arises from one single fact - that they are unable to stay quietly in their room.  (Pascal)

·         The cure for too much to do is solitude and silence, for there you find that you are safely more that what you do.  And a cure of loneliness is solitude and silence, for there you discover in how many ways you are never alone.” (Pascal)

·         In times of personal crisis, you have to call on the resources that you have already stored up. 

·         Accountability groups serve to combat the loneliness and isolation that is often part of being a leader.  The value of having a safe harbor relationship of support and accountability cannot be overemphasized.  You need people in your life who have been given permission to call you to task when you get off track.

Russell Justice

April 2007

Referee or Coach?

I was the before dinner “tutorial” speaker for an American Society of Quality meeting this month. The after dinner (real) speaker was Greg Maciolek (President, Integrated Management Resources).  Part of his presentation centered on the question – are you a referee or a coach?  The topic itself was almost enough to make the point.  (Remember: “When the headline is written, the story is half finished.”)   As soon as he began talking my mind began to race about the contrast between a referee and a coach

A referee only pays attention to you when you do something wrong; when you make a mistake; when you break the rules.  A coach may also chew you out for doing something wrong, but . . . he then helps you to improve and not repeat the mistake.  He helps you reach your potential and be a better person.  Good coaches also observe what you do well and provide recognition.

Enough said.  You got it?   Are you (we) being more of a referee or more of a coach with our children, parents, grandchildren, work associates, class members in school and at church – in all our relationships. 

Some other gems from Mr. Maciolek’s presentation:

·         People are not the company’s greatest asset.  People are the company.

·         When a problem arises, do you tell people what to do or ask them what they would do?

·         If you want things to happen differently, you have to do things differently.

·         As a leader, if I give my idea(s) last – most of the time I will never have to speak.

Russell Justice

May 2007